Tuesday, November 4, 2008

election day jitters

The errant blogger returns....
Chris is on the road and Maple is asleep early so I actually have time to get some things in order. (Even though, truly, it is my ongoing intention to post more frequently.) We voted this morning before Chris headed out of town and then M and I spent the majority of the day hanging out in town with friends trying not to count the hours until the polls are closed. I actually spent most of my time with a friend of mine who is from Canada who seemed a lot less anxious then everyone else. No real surprise there.
Ever since returning from the Boston teacher training I have had a ton of renewed energy for teaching. Which generally speaking for me leads to a lot of time spent reassessing what is working and what could use some adjustment. For those that know me, I really go through periodic periods of overhauling the way that I do everything. I do not actually know if this is an effective tendency or not. However, there really is a lot to be said in the old saying "you get what you ask for". Over the last 6 months the number of folks coming to class has significantly dropped, which I, of course, take way too personally. But the flip side of that is that the folks that are coming to class are a very dedicated group which is exactly what I was saying that I wanted. Really. Now maybe I just need to be a little bit more specific. Lets have big classes with lots of people who are excited to learn this amazing system of yoga called Anusara and want to really reach for the highest!
I recently got a call from a good friend of mine who is also an Anusara- inspired teacher saying that she is going to stop teaching after the Holidays. This didn't come as a complete surprise to me and is for her I think really the right decision for her. It just really got me thinking first because I am so vata that when anyone decides that they are doing anything, I automatically wonder if I should do it too. But primarly it was interesting because she is not the first person to say that to me recently. Mostly it is coming from folks whose life trajectory is just shifting enough right now that their energy is best spent someplace else. Some are having babies and are being called to the sacred task of parenting, others looking to spend their energy focusing on personal or physical healing, and others wanting to spend it on the development and nurturing of their own practice. Or even some combination of those 3.
I actually do contemplate stopping teaching pretty frequently. When it is really hard to manage the care of my daughter and I feel more needed at home. Or presently, when I think about having a new baby and my girl and a husband who is on the road 4 days a week. Believe me, it would be a lot easier in many ways if there was nothing pulling me out of the house. But not really. For me practice is like my life line and teaching is an opportunity for me to get even clearer on what I have been contemplating by attempting to share it with others. Also, other people's revelations in the practice are really my bread and butter. I love it! After a good practice or class, I feel more connected to the other parts of my life, like my roles as wife and mother and community member in a small town. And, on a very basic and fundamental level, I think that I am much easier to be around when I have taken that time for myself and my students. And we're not talking much here. 2 or 3 classes a week. I am on my mat 3 or 4 days a week right now is all. But it is enough to effect my life greatly. For the better.

Before heading out for the week with John and the community, I was in probably the lowest place personally that I have been in in the last 5 years. Low. And just 7 days of really and fully plugging into myself as a practitioner and a teacher was so uplifting that I feel like I have perspective maybe for the first time since I got pregnant. Breathe of Life. So, stopping teaching is really not for me. At least not right now. Right now what works for me and my family is for me to make it out of the house a few times a week so that I can fill myself up with the teachings that feed me. Its good stuff.

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